Saturday, February 28, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
f you were to ask me at what moment or on what day I asked Jesus into my life, I wouldn't be able to give you an exact date or time. Maybe that's due to the fact that it took some time before the fog slowly lifted and I saw the entire world through what seemed like a new pair of glasses. Until then I was a lost soul walking the streets of downtown Toronto, sleeping in St James Park.
I remember standing in front of "The Canada Tavern" at Queen and Sherbourne St. watching across the street and listening while a group of Christians sang Gospel Music. I recall gazing at the sky and questioning Almighty God saying, "Where are you? I know you're up there. You are God. Can't you just pick me up and get me out of here. I don't belong here.I belong over there with them. Please help me!!"
I wasn't aware that God actually heard my cries because I was deathly ill in the grasp of Alcoholism and Drug Addiction. At this particular time in my life I honestly thought that God could not or would not ever love me because I was too bad!! Drowning in a sea of guilt, shame, remorse, unforgiveness and utterly helpless and hopelessly defeated, I came to know and be stuck in the middle of a world that I thought existed only in the movies. And that's what I was doing--merely existing, dying more each day. There were many times during my life I wished I would die but now I found myself absolutely terrified of dying in this state. I thought about after-life and where I would end up. I remembered as a child loving Jesus. I remembered that God loves everybody. I was now angry and blaming God for my miserable life.
I guess this was God trying to reach me but I was beyond hearing his voice and had no idea he was actually watching over me and claiming me for his own. I had no idea that my Grandmother's prayers were in process of being answered. [God's Word says, Train a child in the way he is to go and when he grows old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6] One thing for certain is that my Granny stood on this promise!!
I had survived many traumatic experiences which could have been fatal and one night I fell into a trap and almost got murdered and I believe this one was the beginning of the end. I was at the bar I hung around at a couple nights later and I couldn't drink because I knew I needed to make a decision or die!! I remember leaving the bar at about 1:30 a.m. and sitting on a park bench at the corner of Adelaide and Jarvis St and I happened to look on the ground. There, right at my feet was a piece of yellow construction paper. I was compelled to pick it up. This is what the paper said: JESUS DIED FOR SINFUL MEN. HE HUNG UPON A TREE. THERE HE SUFFERED, BLED AND DIED FOR YOU AND THEM AND ME. HE WALKED THE EARTH AMONG ALL MEN. HE HEALED AND ALSO FORGAVE. THOSE BOUND DEEP IN CORDS OF SIN, HE'S GOT THE POWER TO SAVE. HE SAID TO MEN BOTH GREAT AND SMALL--REPENT AND SEEK AND PRAY FOR THERE WILL BE AN ACCOUNTING ON YONDER JUDGEMENT DAY. SO, IF YOU HAVE BEEN STRAYING FOLLOWING WAYS OF LUST AND GREED. YOUR SOUL'S IN DEEP DISTRESS. YOUR SOUL'S IN DIREST NEED. TURN BACK WHILE IT IS DAYTIME, DON'T TARRY DON'T YOU WAIT. NOW'S YOUR CALL BUT SOMEDAY, IT'S GONNA BE TOO LATE."
I trembled and thanked God for his mercy and saving Grace and for all these times he protected me. The message couldn't have been any clearer than it was other than God appearing in person and I knew this was a message for me and it was either do or die.
About a week or so later I called my daughter and she rescued me from the streets of Toronto. This was the beginning of the end of a long dark and lonely road I travelled many years.
I give God all honor, praise and Glory that my daughter planted the seed and lead me through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Still in a state of denial i stayed there a short while and continued on a two and a half year drunk.
Finally I accepted defeat and thus began my journey of Recovery. At last i was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I was afraid if I continued down this path, I was going to die. Now I had become ready and willing to accept the fact that I was an addict, totally powerless and my life was unmanageable. I knew in my heart I was ready for change and after many attempts to do so on my own I accepted the fact I needed outside help!!
Completely broken I returned to the rooms of AA and accepted the unconditional Love I sought all my life. It was here I became familiar with and grew to be able to apply the principle of living my life one day at a time.Here I was again introduced to The God who always loved me regardless of my many mistakes and failures. It was here I at last made a conscious decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of GOD. It was here I began to see that the blind do see, the deaf hear, the lame walk and the dead are raised.
Almost immediately, the desire to drink or drug was removed from me. It was only a short while and I accepted Jesus Christ as LORD and Savior of my life. I am eternally grateful for BROKENNESS.
God's WORD says HE HEALS THE BROKEN-HEARTED AND BINDS UP THEIR WOUNDS-- psalm 114:3 I am here to testify to this promise because when I came back to the LORD I was completely broken physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually dead. Just as God promises, he has restored me to sanity and as I remain in his Word I have found a peace that passes all understanding and I have a Hope today that nobody could ever take away. I am a New Creature in Christ Jesus. One day at a time I do my best to live a life pleasing to God.
The prayer of my heart today is SEARCH ME OH GOD AND KNOW MY HEART. TRY ME AND KNOW MY THOUGHTS. SEE IF THERE BE ANY WICKED WAY IN ME AND LEAD ME INTO LIFE EVER-LASTING. ( PSALM 139:23-24) (NKJV)
I have a passion for helping others today and telling them the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God loves BROKENNESS!!! I WILL RESTORE TO YOU THE YEARS THE LOCUSTS HAVE EATEN... (JOEL: 2:25--NKJV) I believe that what God is saying here is "I will restore all these years the Devil has stolen from you." I also believe that God likes to takes these things and rub it in the devil's face.
Today I am not powerless. Today I am a strong powerful woman and the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.
I am a student of God's Word. I am far from perfect yet on the inside of me I have the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit working as he changes me from Glory to Glory. I am being renewed by the renewal of my mind. Romans 12:2 tells us AND DO NOT BE CONFORMED TO THIS WORLD, BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND, THAT YOU MAY PROVE WHAT IS THAT GOOD AND ACCEPTABLE AND PERFECT WILL OF GOD--nkjv
I pray the LORD always keep me humble enough to be teachable. I Love my neighbor as myself. I Love the LORD my God in Jesus Christ and always ask him to help me love him more. I have learned the true meaning of letting go and letting God. I believe by Faith and not by sight. Regardless of what circumstances may look like, I choose to keep my eyes on Jesus-the author and finisher of our Faith.
I once was lost but now am found and am now free of the fear, doubt and worries of the world. Yes my friends, I AM FREE. BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I AM FREE.
I remember standing in front of "The Canada Tavern" at Queen and Sherbourne St. watching across the street and listening while a group of Christians sang Gospel Music. I recall gazing at the sky and questioning Almighty God saying, "Where are you? I know you're up there. You are God. Can't you just pick me up and get me out of here. I don't belong here.I belong over there with them. Please help me!!"
I wasn't aware that God actually heard my cries because I was deathly ill in the grasp of Alcoholism and Drug Addiction. At this particular time in my life I honestly thought that God could not or would not ever love me because I was too bad!! Drowning in a sea of guilt, shame, remorse, unforgiveness and utterly helpless and hopelessly defeated, I came to know and be stuck in the middle of a world that I thought existed only in the movies. And that's what I was doing--merely existing, dying more each day. There were many times during my life I wished I would die but now I found myself absolutely terrified of dying in this state. I thought about after-life and where I would end up. I remembered as a child loving Jesus. I remembered that God loves everybody. I was now angry and blaming God for my miserable life.
I guess this was God trying to reach me but I was beyond hearing his voice and had no idea he was actually watching over me and claiming me for his own. I had no idea that my Grandmother's prayers were in process of being answered. [God's Word says, Train a child in the way he is to go and when he grows old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6] One thing for certain is that my Granny stood on this promise!!
I had survived many traumatic experiences which could have been fatal and one night I fell into a trap and almost got murdered and I believe this one was the beginning of the end. I was at the bar I hung around at a couple nights later and I couldn't drink because I knew I needed to make a decision or die!! I remember leaving the bar at about 1:30 a.m. and sitting on a park bench at the corner of Adelaide and Jarvis St and I happened to look on the ground. There, right at my feet was a piece of yellow construction paper. I was compelled to pick it up. This is what the paper said: JESUS DIED FOR SINFUL MEN. HE HUNG UPON A TREE. THERE HE SUFFERED, BLED AND DIED FOR YOU AND THEM AND ME. HE WALKED THE EARTH AMONG ALL MEN. HE HEALED AND ALSO FORGAVE. THOSE BOUND DEEP IN CORDS OF SIN, HE'S GOT THE POWER TO SAVE. HE SAID TO MEN BOTH GREAT AND SMALL--REPENT AND SEEK AND PRAY FOR THERE WILL BE AN ACCOUNTING ON YONDER JUDGEMENT DAY. SO, IF YOU HAVE BEEN STRAYING FOLLOWING WAYS OF LUST AND GREED. YOUR SOUL'S IN DEEP DISTRESS. YOUR SOUL'S IN DIREST NEED. TURN BACK WHILE IT IS DAYTIME, DON'T TARRY DON'T YOU WAIT. NOW'S YOUR CALL BUT SOMEDAY, IT'S GONNA BE TOO LATE."
I trembled and thanked God for his mercy and saving Grace and for all these times he protected me. The message couldn't have been any clearer than it was other than God appearing in person and I knew this was a message for me and it was either do or die.
About a week or so later I called my daughter and she rescued me from the streets of Toronto. This was the beginning of the end of a long dark and lonely road I travelled many years.
I give God all honor, praise and Glory that my daughter planted the seed and lead me through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Still in a state of denial i stayed there a short while and continued on a two and a half year drunk.
Finally I accepted defeat and thus began my journey of Recovery. At last i was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I was afraid if I continued down this path, I was going to die. Now I had become ready and willing to accept the fact that I was an addict, totally powerless and my life was unmanageable. I knew in my heart I was ready for change and after many attempts to do so on my own I accepted the fact I needed outside help!!
Completely broken I returned to the rooms of AA and accepted the unconditional Love I sought all my life. It was here I became familiar with and grew to be able to apply the principle of living my life one day at a time.Here I was again introduced to The God who always loved me regardless of my many mistakes and failures. It was here I at last made a conscious decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of GOD. It was here I began to see that the blind do see, the deaf hear, the lame walk and the dead are raised.
Almost immediately, the desire to drink or drug was removed from me. It was only a short while and I accepted Jesus Christ as LORD and Savior of my life. I am eternally grateful for BROKENNESS.
God's WORD says HE HEALS THE BROKEN-HEARTED AND BINDS UP THEIR WOUNDS-- psalm 114:3 I am here to testify to this promise because when I came back to the LORD I was completely broken physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually dead. Just as God promises, he has restored me to sanity and as I remain in his Word I have found a peace that passes all understanding and I have a Hope today that nobody could ever take away. I am a New Creature in Christ Jesus. One day at a time I do my best to live a life pleasing to God.
The prayer of my heart today is SEARCH ME OH GOD AND KNOW MY HEART. TRY ME AND KNOW MY THOUGHTS. SEE IF THERE BE ANY WICKED WAY IN ME AND LEAD ME INTO LIFE EVER-LASTING. ( PSALM 139:23-24) (NKJV)
I have a passion for helping others today and telling them the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God loves BROKENNESS!!! I WILL RESTORE TO YOU THE YEARS THE LOCUSTS HAVE EATEN... (JOEL: 2:25--NKJV) I believe that what God is saying here is "I will restore all these years the Devil has stolen from you." I also believe that God likes to takes these things and rub it in the devil's face.
Today I am not powerless. Today I am a strong powerful woman and the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.
I am a student of God's Word. I am far from perfect yet on the inside of me I have the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit working as he changes me from Glory to Glory. I am being renewed by the renewal of my mind. Romans 12:2 tells us AND DO NOT BE CONFORMED TO THIS WORLD, BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND, THAT YOU MAY PROVE WHAT IS THAT GOOD AND ACCEPTABLE AND PERFECT WILL OF GOD--nkjv
I pray the LORD always keep me humble enough to be teachable. I Love my neighbor as myself. I Love the LORD my God in Jesus Christ and always ask him to help me love him more. I have learned the true meaning of letting go and letting God. I believe by Faith and not by sight. Regardless of what circumstances may look like, I choose to keep my eyes on Jesus-the author and finisher of our Faith.
I once was lost but now am found and am now free of the fear, doubt and worries of the world. Yes my friends, I AM FREE. BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I AM FREE.
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